Join Our Community

Support Groups for Survivors of Suicide Loss

Thank you for your interest in SOSL-San Diego. We are very sorry that you are here, but glad you found us. Support groups for survivors of a loss to suicide are vital tools for processing and sharing and learning from a community of like minded people who have all experienced similar challenges in their experience with suicide loss. 

Before you come to any of our free groups, please read the following in order to get the most out of it and know your rights when attending our free, peer led support groups:

1: Groups can be intense but in a good way because these are the only kind of spaces in the world where everyone involved can understand you. But as such sometimes things get challenging and while group is exactly the place to safely process and talk about those challenges, it may not be suitable for you yet if your loss is very recent. Typically for your own peace of mind: we suggest waiting a minimum of two weeks from the date of your loss but strongly recommend you wait one month from the loss to attend. We are happy to help you however we can until then, please let us know what you need. 

Q: Why do we have this rule?

A: the process of grief incorporation for suicide loss is a marathon not a sprint. Over the years we have identified that participants who are very new to all of this may be overwhelmed or frustrated with the nature of an open group environment which may not feel like there is any momentum or healing in those early days. 

We are dedicated to providing the best services we can, and we ask for your patience with yourself as you begin this journey towards post traumatic growth. Every one of us have been the “new loss” survivor once and we understand the desire to jump in right away but please take our decades of experience and evidence based approach into account when we say you will be better off in the long run if you have a little patience with yourself at the very beginning. 

2: When you come to groups, whether it is virtual or in person, be sure to come early so we can start on time. 

Q: Why do we want you to log in/arrive early?

A: Traffic, road work, technical difficulties: all can make an already potentially challenging experience more stressful so for your own benefit, be early so we can get you logged in and settled and begin on time. We respect the time and schedules of those who attend our meetings so after the meetings finish their introduction, we do not typically admit late arrivals because of the disruption. Meetings last 90 minutes and we ask you to stay the whole meeting from introductions to our positives that we share with each other to support one another at the end. If you know you will be late/need to leave early: please let your group know ahead of time so we don’t worry. 

3: Most any topic directly related to your loss is welcome in group with a few exceptions. In these meetings you can discuss nearly anything you wish to regarding your experience with the exceptions of describing the scene of the death or the method used. We also do not tell each other what to do or what to believe and we don’t discuss spiritual bypasses like psychics or escapism like drug abuse and self harm.

Q: Why don’t we talk about these things in groups?

A: We have a saying here that “as long as you aren’t hurting yourself or anyone else, you are doing it right” but we must be aware of what can constitute harm. Research shows that when people share similar but distinct forms of trauma  that hearing descriptions of a similar loss can re-traumatize the brain and for some people these images their minds conjure up can be very distressing. Group is the best place to tackle difficult feelings and situations but not at the risk of harm, so we do not have those conversations in open group settings but can privately. 

Likewise we wish to avoid all forms of spiritual bypass or graphic descriptions of self harm or abuse for similar reasons. While many of us struggle with these things in the wake of a loss, group is not the place to process these challenges or bypasses in graphic detail because of their similarities with some losses. If you are unsure, just ask your facilitator and the group if it’s okay to gently touch on a topic. 

4: Outside observers, researchers, students, visitors, media, etc are not permitted. These groups are meant only and exclusively for first degree suicide loss survivors (those with a direct loss) and under no circumstances will observation be permitted. If you have a legitimate interest in this type of support group for academic or healthcare or media related reasons, please email our Postvention Director Deric Metzger at Deric@soslsd.org for help in getting you the information you require without intruding on the privacy of a support group. There will never be an exception to this rule. 

Q: Why are outside visitors or clinicians not permitted to observe?

A: Because the sanctity of the privacy of a support group for those who have lost a loved one to suicide supersede any academic curiosity and it would be unethical. We will enforce this and no exceptions will ever be made. We offer one on one individualized assistance for such things to those with a legitimate need for insight into how a group might work, including a video of a mock group that was recorded by staff members of SOSL.

5: You have the right to stay silent. Simple as that. We ask you to introduce yourself at the beginning of the meeting along with everyone else, every time. It’s an important part of the process but after that, you are free to remain silent and pass if called on or asked a question of, even by a facilitator. There is real value in just listening so you are always welcome to come listen. We want everyone to be able to share the limited time we have in a meeting and don’t want anyone to dominate the floor so that others can’t get s chance to speak, but on the other end of the scale, you may say as little as you want even if it’s nothing at all. 

6: Remember that while we may sometimes have different experiences with loss, every person you meet in group is on the same side as you, and you, them. An estimated two out of every five people will be exposed to a loss to suicide in their lifetime. Our community is one nobody wishes to be a part of but once you are here, you will be supported and we all strive to support each other. If you have questions or concerns or suggestions, speak with your individual facilitators or with the head facilitator Deric@soslsd.org to address any issues that may arise. 

Quick questions and answers!

Q: Can I talk about my faith in groups?

A: Absolutely! While SOSL is nonpartisan and non religious in it’s nature as an evidence based mental health resource, we understand that this is a part of your life. We simply must maintain statements of faith and spirituality as “I / me” statements as what we believe. We do not allow any sort of preaching or proselytizing or invalidating of anyone’s beliefs or non-belief and we will enforce that for everyone’s comfort. Simply be respectful and acknowledge that everyone’s journey is their own and we aren’t judging.

Q: Can I talk politics in groups?

A: Absolutely not…With very specific exceptions. This time is limited and precious and we all share the same side when it comes to suicide loss as we are all survivors. Let’s save the politics for other places and times wherever we can. 

Q: Can I bring a picture or a small comfort item or personal effect of my loved one to share with the group?

A: Absolutely! If you feel comfortable doing so, as survivors it’s important that we help each other humanize our loved ones. They were more than their diagnosis or their death. We want to get to know their life too, not just the aftermath of it all. Let’s celebrate them when we can. 

Q: Can I bring home made treats for my fellow survivors to in person support groups?

A: Unfortunately not, sorry. Many locations have no food policies and it’s a liability concern. We aren’t doubting your cookie making skills but our insurance company might, and we need to keep the doors open so we can keep serving the community, no matter how good your snickerdoodle’s are. Ask your facilitator if their location is okay with food at all (as again some will not allow us to do that) if you are feeling generous and want to bring pre-packaged produced snacks or beverages for the other participants. 

Q: What is the etiquette for virtual meetings?

A: For virtual meetings we would very much encourage you to treat them as in person meetings. Meaning we would like to see you upright and dressed and sober and well lit with your face fully on screen at all times, and your mic muted until you wish to speak so there aren’t any surprise background noises that distract everyone else. No visitors or listeners, children should not be anywhere near these meetings or within ear shot. No recording under any circumstances unless a facilitator is sharing something on screen and they invite you to take a picture or screenshot of it. Pets are however always welcome guests on your camera as long as they aren’t being too distracting. 

Be sure not to take up the entire floor, it can be harder in a virtual meeting to be aware of other people sometimes so please try not to talk over anyone or dominate the talk time. Make sure to please be there early so we can start on time. You may not be let in after introductions are finished out of respect for other participants-we will see you at the next one, no worries, we have plenty of options for you! 

Q: What is the chat for in a virtual meeting? 

A: for sharing links when permission is given by a facilitator, or for private messaging the facilitators or other participants. But please do not spam the chat with messages, it can be extremely disruptive and if you have something kind and supportive to say, just find a quiet moment to say it so everyone can hear it. These are support groups not silent chat rooms after all! Excessive misuse of the chat rooms may result in your ability to use the chat being suspended so we can honor the rest of the group if needed. No hard feelings we just want to keep on track! 

Q: Are children welcome at these meetings whether virtual or in person?

A: Sorry but no, the subject matter of these meetings is not approved for persons under the age of 18 and younger children should not be brought to or able to listen to meetings at all and we assume no liability should a participant violate that rule. In person meetings do not have childcare available on site so please leave the little ones with a babysitter.

Q: If I have a question who do I contact?

A: If you have a question related to groups, contact the head facilitator and our Postvention Director, Deric Metzger by email Deric@soslsd.org

If you need information about support groups or what to expect, please call the support line at 619-482-0297. Monday through Friday, 10am to 6pm Pacific. This warmline is not for crisis intervention. If you are feeling at risk, please dial or text 988 or your local access and crisis line or text "Home" to 741-741 for help.